Goodbye,Cinderella......thats just the old me who came and gone away

Friday, December 21, 2007

oh shit,shitshitshitshsitshitshit!!!!!
i caused him to be in trouble again.
its all my fault.
why am i such a jinx?
is that suppose to happen to everyone who loves me and i love them back?
or does it happen to people i truly love?
first, i got his room phone confiscated for bursting the phone bills at home up to 100dollars.
now.....
there is absolutely no excuse.
i knew i shouldnt listen to him and go for taekwondo..but my fear of loneliness at home juz kills.
well..lets juz sae i had to rush out the history essay todae and after 3hrs of pondering and brain-cracking,i manage to squeeze out 1588 words.it was alrdy 6.55pm.so i called him and asked him where he was but he was wif his parents and they were staring at him when he was on the phone wif me...kk,so he hung up.i lay on my sofa wif piggy,feeling like as if my brain has left me and i haf juz dunked into the solitude of my house.i told him tt i dun wanna go for taek,im too mentally drained..and i haf to wait for joshy to send me the first history essay he typed for me..the deadline is 12mn tonite and i cant risk it...but since he insist tt if he doesnt go taekwondo,he will fail his grading and i dun want tt to happen to him..moreover,if i stay at hm,i haf nothing to do..i decided to go.
well..we went to buy a bread together coz i hadnt ate my dinner and sat down on the bench infront of the carpark to eat.tt was 8.30pm.taek starts at 8pm.
and wat the f***
we got caught by david koh for coming in late.he was damn fucking pissed la.well,my voice left me for awhile when this tyrant approached and asked if anyone was at home,there was no one at hm of course but there were ppl in his hse.listen to the best part.
his father picked up the phone

ooh..did i mention that his father is one who comes back to singapore every fortmonthly and super overprotective that even when taekwondo was juz a walkin distance away,he has to drive them home..not to mention that he is terribly naggy so much so that my dear's mum wanted to divorce him for the sake of the family.???
there u go,i tried to put all blame on me,for saying that i had gastric pain and he had to get me some food and all..but my voice only came back after david koh called his father.
that david dude screamed at us..i was damn fucking shocked and afraid.but i dun wanna show my nervousness or fear.the more u r afraid of him,the more he will climb over u.
he was saeing that they r gonna send testimonials to my sch after we passed black belt or after we quit.but guess wat?

i dun give a shit.

i m juz freakin worried for him.

he had to rush home,obviously.as i walked hm by myself,i began to ponder abt my sad sad life.maybe i shldnt haf went for taekwondo...why did my chatterbox tongue left me when i needed it most?i probably make him lose the chance of going out tmr..he cant come for christmas service tmr,i guess...
its all my fault.
he really want to go to church.been tellin me tt if he meet me todae,he cant meet me tmr and he really wanna come for christmas service.been missing alot of services alrdy.he didnt like that as much as i detest it.
he really wanna learn more abt u,Lord.
i can sense it.
n i really hope and pray that he can come tmr..
chances are slim,im sure.
i haf faith that he can come.
i dun want him to be grounded for sooo many daes,not tmr at least.
no matter how much i want him to spend christmas and new year eve wif me,i want him to go for tmr's service if he have to give up those daes to stay home.
im really serious,Lord.
if he really cant come,i m sure u haf other plans for his life but i will bring the sermon to him.via my blog.

maybe i shld punish myself by stop talking to him when i see him.or when i call him.
tell me,dear..u haf soo many plans for the future and even when we r gettin married..but the thing is,can i even haf the face to face ur parents??sometimes,i juz wish we can alwaes be together,not influenced by our parents..
or maybe i shld juz b ur girlfren and u get another wife who is not me..she'll be the one who face ur parents for u while i'll be ur dirty little secret.
im not joking.

10:19 PM

had a great evening out wif joshy and him todae..
swensens for icecream,shopping at bugis and to civil service countryclub for dinner...
for sooo long,i actually felt like a PRINCESS again.
todae in this mth was one of the best night out ever!tks u guys;)

decided to change my blog skin at such random hr in the nite..2.27am.zz..
gtg slp now..
things to do:
-finish up 2nd hist essay by 12mn TODAE!!
-spread msg to odackers abt the j2s chalet.
-repay joshy and his sis for their hardwork.THANK YOU!!;)

i wish i will experience tis kinda life in the future..i can make do without the icecream(cut down those weight)but juz shoppin and having a great dinner at someplace nice is juz wonderful..;)esp wif someone u love and ur closest fren.

would u give me tt kind of life next time??
see u in dreamgate9 and 3 quarters..

2:27 AM

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

had a great dae out wif lipin and ellycia.peishan joined us awhile later..lol,i wld never miz workin at swensens wifout these frens..
oh my gosh....
dam difficult to plan a class gathering la..everyone is either out of town or working or juz plain not free...damn it!dun even kw if wednesdae outing will succeed..im so darn PISSED.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

and my mum..i think shes experiencing menopause now..so cranky,juz screamed at everyone in the hse todae(almost all the time but todae was bad)haiz..hate to deal wif tis...

i miz him.2 whole daes.no time alone..
im not deprived...juz tt
we r a pair of special couple,we haf to see each other everydae.
tts how close we are...

was agitated at my mum n blew up at him..kidda felt bad after that.he thot i was suggesting a breakup.he alwaes does tt..do u kw,sometimes..
u r juz over-sensitive??im not gg anywhere.
if im willing to confront my first love abt our relationship,wat more can i not do?my first true love,that guy who left me hanging for 3 yrs..juz completely ended 2wks ago.he defended me time and again over the yrs..tryin hard not to show his feelings but it was pretty obvious to the clique...

oh my gosh..juz the right song..-ALL OR NOTHING,OTOWN-

dedicated to u,my beloved first love..(highlighting these lines)
something,somewhere's gta give...its over,over.
u kw i abide for u but how can i abide of someone who isnt there?
'there is time u look at me,like im all that u can see..'
'its this how we end?wif a simple telephone call..u leave me here..'

i guess..this is how we end.. wif juz a simple sms..im leaving u here..where u r.
i found someone else special..for christmas this year:)

1:26 AM

Saturday, December 15, 2007

stacey: im going out
mum:ok,i'll b taking ur sister for singing and then,latin dancing b4 gg for another performance.
stacey:ok.....

well..this morning,i was gonna blog abt how i dread my life at home these daes but everything changed after i went for service at my beloved Heart of God church..in fact,i was rather emoish after i came back frm taekwondo.my mum insisted tt i shld continue working when i told her tt tmr was my last dae at banquet.even though it is flexible and u can choose to work whenever u want,shes not giving me a choice here.which mum would insist her daughter to go to work?i juz dun get it..i cried tt nite wif piggy wiping my tears away.even wrote a long 6pgs sms to her which i didnt send.
here it goes:
dear mum,
haf u forgotten tt im studying?well..let me remind u,im gg on to jc2 nx yr n need to prepare for the yr ahead.FINE!lets not tok academics.
U complain tt i do out too often and shld rather spend time earning money?come on,tis is the last few wks i can enojoy b4 another hectic alvl yr again!i need a life!even if im home,wld u even b hm?
on wkends,u b bz sending sherlyn for some pageant shit..now,may i ask..wat has it gta do wif her future??
do u kw tt sometimes,she is not even interested?this shit has even taken up family time.
we can hardly even haf a proper meal tgt!thats y when i had to forgo my mahanas and be late for taekwondo,i will make time to eat dinner wif u ppl..honestly,wld u do tt for me??i feel driven out to confide my problems to frens sometimes.
do u realise tt we dun haf much to tok abt when im ard u now?sometimes,i pray juz for all of us to spend more time wid each other.
u may object christianity but it is a comfort for me to note tt at least,theres someone up there watching over me..sending people to console me,love me and care for me.
i love u mummy,but juz want u to kw tt im still schooling and not prepared to go independent yet.i dun deserve this hard treatment..yet.

well..that was how i felt ytd nite and nope,this feeling wasnt driven out in the morning sun when i go jogging at one of the community parks in bishan.i was cheered up a little when i met kianee but tt was it..
i reached service at exactly 5pm and was given the back rows..well,wasnt very happy abt it coz i wanted to meet my alwaes smiling church mates but things changed..
diagonally across me,while praising God,i saw this old uncle in his late 60s.. praising my God.halfway thru,he felt breathless and begin to pant.his companion asked him if he wanted to take a rest at the back but he insist to sit on for the service.even if he had to rest,he wld do so on his seat..worshipping God at the same time.
i began to think and ask God,its tt wat u want me to see,Lord?finally,i understood..my life can never be compared to this man.he maybe old and sickly,wif difficulties to move abt..yet,he is so determined to come to church,so determined to worship Him.
Yet,wat am i?im a young teenager who although facing Parental Objection at home complains abt the long journey to church and all..this man may haf gone thru wat i went thru at home..favouritism,biasness..and now,difficulties in moving.yet he is so determined to come and praise God.i maybe fitter and stronger but deep inside,im nothing compared to this old man..
i learned alot in church todae apart frm this incident.pastor how preached abt the logical thinkers of Christ.he used to be a very logical person,cant accept those shocking assumptions made by Christ.hence,he struggles to accept God and have faith.

Faith..something u cannot see but u acquire that power to believe in it,by trusting the Lord above.
its like..u may feel that ur life is perfect..u haf a bunch of great frens,a happy family and perhaps,a wonderful boyfriend but do u often feel the emptiness within u no matter how contented u r?
like perhaps,when u r alone at nite or sad and down,u juz wish tt theres someone listening to u,watching over u as u sleep?ur parents,ur frens or boyfriend cant be there for u 24/7..so who could fill up that emptiness?isnt that answer pretty obvious now?the Lord God above do exist.
pastor how sermon todae is mostly abt believing in Jesus.
some sae Jesus is a gd man,some sae He is a prophet.but wat do we sae Jesus is?what do we believe Him as?he made many shockin assumptions in the Bible.

I am the way,the truth and the Light.no one comes to the Father except through me.
I and my Father are One.
I am the Son of God. and etc.
we are then confined to decide if this is true or false.Honestly,which ordinary fren or classmate of urs come up to u and sae..hey,im the Son of God,die for me.??wld we believe it.?definitely not.
this is wat Jesus faced before he was captured and sacrificed 2000yrs ago.If jesus has not risen from the dead,we christians of most people are the most pitiful of everyone on planet earth for believing in this huge dellusional moron.however,if his claims were true,his demands are solely right.
Matt 12:30-u r either with me or against me.
we can choose to walk out of this church auditorium..with Jesus being a lunatic,liar or Lord and saviour of our soul..
its up to us to trust and believe..to haf faith that Jesus is the Way,the Truth and the Light.
hebrews 11:3-by faith,we understand......
this world often believe tt it is impt to understand sth before u believe sth would work..but it would be very difficult to believe sth before understanding the true meaning of christianity.christianity is a relationship,not a religion.God's word do not come to us by understanding but rather,by revealing Himself to us.thru the little things that happen everydae and also the Bible...when we believe.the closer we are to God,the more God will reveal Himself to us.same goes for a love relationship.U will nv understd how love is unless u haf faith and step into one.the romance and everything would then fall in place nicely.

so on a nutshell,do u haf faith?

11:17 PM

Monday, December 3, 2007

hey yo...
wats sup?well..havent been bloggin lately i see..
kinda gt bz wif work..i quit swensens on 1st dec..
it was alrite,wif nice people and i made gd frens.. but i guess i juz dun feel right la..
the boss tried to fill up my week wif work and i dun think im prepared to get used to it yet..i prefer flexibility in time schedule and as a student,i feel tt it is not my first priority to work..
most imptly!!!!in an f and B industry,workin wkends are juz a norm and i cant let that happen coz I GT CHURCH COMMITMMENTS!nothing like swensens can make me miz church for a wk man!juz realised how much i miz gg church if i dun go for a wkat least if i haf to work, i muz go for bible study..or i will b itchy all over..serious.
i gta start studying alrdy..i guess.decided to quit swensens so tt i wnt suffocate..
$4.50/hr not exactly worth it.then again,if i want some extra cash or to kill time,i still gt banquet.thats like $6/hr.anydae u wish..juz book the schedule for tt wk la.
well...all i know is tt,i gta b physically active this holidae or i will feel itchy all over..thats why i found jobs which requires u to walk ard and carry heavy stuff..its gd training la.hahs.:)
--27th nov was such a memorable day!!one full complete date wif nobody disturbing us..really love it!tks.;)

9:44 PM