In this superficial world,
U may think thats all you get from what you see.
I am definitely not as SIMPLE as what you think,
Neither do I wish to live up to your expectations
So whatever you read,
And whether U like it or not,
It's none of my business to care..no matter how hard u try to make me.;P
Thursday, November 19, 2009
theres just sooo many random thoughts flowing thru my head..
i have no idea which of it i shld start this post with..
jerked out of bed by this dream of you..
its so disturbing sometimes when i just wanna keep you out of my head,
u just keep coming back..
haunting me like an unfinished business..
i pray,i scream i shout,i cry
but u never go away..
love is short-lived
yet,my life stretches on a long and tedious road..
slowly and steadily,
i clambered on the dusky road
and cling on..
at what cost?
i often ask myself..
whenever i keep my hopes up,
i watch them fall everytime..
ive no idea why God put me through this all the time..
but every step i take brings about a renewed step of faith..
and sometimes,i kw i hear His soft comforting breath pushing me forward..
its as if im losing trust in Man(literally!),and just putting my whole heart in the Heavenly One.
but life is not so simple..
and living in this complex,complicated world..where varying sexual orientations are becoming so accepting in society,i wonder sometimes why i cant be like the other different one out there..
at least,love wouldnt be so painful
at least,love wouldnt hurt so bad
at least,we'll understand one another..
at least,being loyal and nice would not cause u to be so hurt when u see ur past love betraying your trust..coz u no longer like boys.
and the best of all,these scumbags deserve it.
note to boys:
dun even think that a simple apology is enough just becoz you thought you found someone new and felt that your life has "moved on"..
stop living in your little comfort zone..stop living in your little world of denial
coz guess what? finding someone new when u havent settled your prev dealings are just gg to spin off another vicious cycle.so dun ever mess with us,girls..
oh,and if u ever do it out of obligations,screw it..
u guys are not worth our time.
to all my innocent beloved readers,sorry for my foul mood.
just venting out my frustrations about new age sensitive guys these days.
the rain is pouring down so hard..
1:27 PM
Monday, November 16, 2009
phew..
finally,one wk had passed!!terribly exciting and exhilarating if u see my schedule.
jammed packed from morning till nite.
today is probably the first day im staying home..
so much so that my memories is failing me as i try to recall wat i did last wed.
anyway,i went nite cycling with bro on thursday..small accident but by God's grace,i didnt bleed..we cycled to flyer and back.
mum banned me from returning home late after that and dad tried to convince me tt im not a guy despite the fact that ive been cycling since three yrs ago.like hello, girls can do that too!RAWR
then friday,kiran and parv wanted to chill and club at zirca before they start studying for their exams these couple of weeks..LOL..crazy bitches.rushed down after cellgroup...we met with soo many unnecessary attention and a coincidental meet up with their long lost frens.haha(who tried to hook us up?!)thats wat i dont like about clubs on fri and sat nites..sooooo many nsf but shrugged them aside la..its a girls nite out man!
slumberparty at parv's place..kiran literally sat on me to wake me up the next morning.
saturday....camwhore with parv before heading home,changed..went to church.soo tired that nite that i KO upon reachin home.
sunday--alfred's bdae surprise at shaun's hse.LOL.chill and camwhore at liquid kitchen..then he decided to send everyone home which took two hours.LOL
gonna watch my girlfriend is a secret agent ltr!!!weeeeee
im going crazy over jap stuff..i mean,i alwaes loved jap food but esp the language now since sammie is taking jap as her elective in nyp.
tmr...rock climbing..here i come!!
PUPPY!!!we're meeting at nite tmr rite.?LOL.
watching ten things i hate about you..
the modern version of taming the shrew from shakespeare...i love her feminist character..sometimes i really wish i cld be her..
6:07 PM
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
when i got out of bed today..
there seems to be so many things i wanna type on the "whats on your mind" section..
i changed my mind..coz i kw that i'll be spamming the news feed if i do that.
one thing is for sure,i really admire the physical strength and emotional capability of single mums. they r probably the ones with huge capacity of emotional maturity.
they r the sort of people i choose to admire becoz they do not succumb to those fickle minded,indecisive bastards who impregnated them. i mean, it sure takes two hands to clap..and perhaps, it cld even be their fault for falling into the moment and not resisting it when they know that it is not safe to do it.
but what i truly admire is their decision to bring the life of the kid into this world..no matter wat circumstances they will face.To even bear the pain of childbirth for a guy who is not even worth it all the way till the kid grows up without a father or just a stepdad..
Having the child put into the arms of a nanny or even childcare centre since they were toddlers and probably only seeing them at nite.
to work long hours into the night just so as to get enough income to provide for the kid's future..i mean...these ladies are just really noble.
have u ever considered the emotional welfare of these ladies?
that everytime they see the kid, they are reminded of their scumbag dads...the irresponsible shitholes who just refused to take up the responsibility and decides to carry on with their frivolous ways of socializing and "oops! i did it again" accidents..
they have to live thru the times where the kid will ask,"where's daddy?"
or even the times where he/she sees how happy and excited the other children are with their families on family day and becomes all upset coz he/she does not have a complete one..
all the incessant rumours or small talks about u being a single mum( this is Singapore,it is as conservative as it can be)
i feel for them...
i really do..i mean,if i were in your shoes,touch wood...i dun even think that im emotionally capable enough to handle all that stress..
ive to admit that i met or even heard of enough jerks in my life rite now to get me thinking about all these..sometimes,like you,i wonder why i may have fallen for the wrong guys..
bewildered as can be, i knew i have to break free from this vicious cycle..
whether u believe or not,even if i do like someone,i know im not prepared for a relationship..emotionally.
ive seen how my sister failed her N's,ran away from home just to meet that guy.
how for the very first time,i was just 14..my mum's devastated look on her face reporting her missing at the police centre..
how even despite the fact that my sweet puppy love then wanted to be with me and i have to refuse him painfully becoz of watever that was happening at home..and for the next 2 years,i gave it all i got into studies,into GB and everything so as not to think of him.
then comes the time where i do let go of him and be with my tuition buddies..not to mention the joshy and kh's clique..we were having soo much fun,cycling arnd,computer games to meeting up for supper in the wee hours of the nite. theres no such things as Boys except when it comes to play and games in my world.
all the way till MI-pae with better frens like the MAHANAs..
then kh and i grew closer..and yea,i had my first r/s with him.8 years of friendship inclusive of 3years of buddy-hood..ended with just a 6mths one wk r/s..
tough times...i dun wish to talk about it anymore.
but i have learn the harsh reality..
the fact that sometimes,love is bittersweet..and when the bitterness overwhelms the sweetness...it is best to keep it on hold for awhile.
the fact that insecurities and emotions of boys can kill..
most imptly,i realised that when a smooth sweet r/s between a boy and a girl starts to falter with trivial quarrels over small things and eventually fell out,it is not because these problems cant be resolved..but rather both of them are too insecure and worried about their status quo in each other lives..
the fact that love is just too vulnerable to risk everything.
love has to be selfish sometimes..it is a basic flight vs fight nature in every human being..
watever it is..
stacey is mentally,emotionally exhausted..
what keeps me going everyday is perhaps the awesome buddies and friends i have around my neighbourhood,church,cheer,SIM,st.margs..
and not to mention,my computer games and random cycling trips from bishan to as far as nee soon camp.lol!
this is the ultimate life..at least i want for me rite now.
stacey scribbles...
KUDOS to all you single mums out there! and too all who laughs at them or talk behind their backs,SCREW YOU.
11:43 AM
Thursday, November 5, 2009
But you put on quite a show.
Really had me goin'
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closin'.
That was quite a show.
Very entertainin'.
But it's over now.
Go on and take a bow.
i stood on solid rock and by the grace of God, i knew i could overcome ya.
u may not know it,but im serious when i said,"i am ready to be friends whenever you are."
theres alwaes a saying that goes:
in every relationships,be it friends or lovers,everyone has to commit to all three stages..
to LOVE, to REGRET, to Cherish.
one important thing which ive learned from this week...
i wanna love and cherish all you fellas out there who has entered into my life..
no matter how much role u played,
to my emotional needs or even just sending a simple gesture of appreciation,
i wanna let u all know that I STILL LOVE YOU!!:):)
just really glad claudia patched up our frenship with me ytd.:)
if i am going to love you, i wanna cherish you with no REGRETS.
stacey scribbles.
8:07 PM
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
phew!!!!finally im blogging again...
its been a really eventful weekend for me after accts paper on saturday..
yes,i kw its halloween but my RMIT seems to love saturday paper,not to mention the morning.-_-"
afred finished his paper 45mins before can? followed by charles who was aiming for a just pass..wat crap! dawn and the rest of us stayed till the end...
anyway back to more serious tone...
ive learnt the virtues of forgiveness on saturday through sunday. though i must sae its one of the hardest thing which one could ever accomplished...but sometimes,it is by God's will or u can say...fate that has been destined for u to meet someone, whether u like it or not.
recall the song, 7things?by miley cyrus.."if u text it, i'll delete it..lets be clear."
i really agree with that song but sometimes, sincerity is wat u expect above all..
just wanna wish him his all the best and though it maybe awkward, i am fine in rekindling this friendship once again..
maybe this whole focus on solely-exams has set me thinking alot lately, esp when time cld only tell certain things.
went to clarke quay after svc on sat nite though.. had loads of fun staring and laughing at ppl..there was a tigger bouncing ard and loads of zombies.i got freaked out by a gal dressed as emily rose..LOL..
anyway, though i was super exhausted the next morning,i went for CHEER!haha..call me crazy. probably gonna help out with the dance segment with citra when i get back the following week..
i totally slackened this weekend.had to get back to my stats on monday..and chiong.
i missed my girls..i really am deprived of a girl companionship now. not trying to sound les but though im quite blessed with brothers, i am still a girl..i need girl talk.i need advice.
being with guys has officially made me a FULL-Fledged BITCH and i dun like it...starting to feel it now..esp after today...i met kh,unexpectedly at thomson plaza.
anyway, i bought another diary for my thoughts and dreams.may stop blogging soon if i write.LOL
can u believe how life has become for me?
everything just comes over a few days..thrown at me like a storm.and im forced to overcome them..
but God, with ur grace and ur strength..U have seen me through..
thank you,Jesus.:)
stats on friday and biz com next mon..
Love waits,
Love perseveres.
to me, Love is having faith as well.
stacey scribbles.
8:30 PM
Thursday, November 19, 2009
theres just sooo many random thoughts flowing thru my head..
i have no idea which of it i shld start this post with..
jerked out of bed by this dream of you..
its so disturbing sometimes when i just wanna keep you out of my head,
u just keep coming back..
haunting me like an unfinished business..
i pray,i scream i shout,i cry
but u never go away..
love is short-lived
yet,my life stretches on a long and tedious road..
slowly and steadily,
i clambered on the dusky road
and cling on..
at what cost?
i often ask myself..
whenever i keep my hopes up,
i watch them fall everytime..
ive no idea why God put me through this all the time..
but every step i take brings about a renewed step of faith..
and sometimes,i kw i hear His soft comforting breath pushing me forward..
its as if im losing trust in Man(literally!),and just putting my whole heart in the Heavenly One.
but life is not so simple..
and living in this complex,complicated world..where varying sexual orientations are becoming so accepting in society,i wonder sometimes why i cant be like the other different one out there..
at least,love wouldnt be so painful
at least,love wouldnt hurt so bad
at least,we'll understand one another..
at least,being loyal and nice would not cause u to be so hurt when u see ur past love betraying your trust..coz u no longer like boys.
and the best of all,these scumbags deserve it.
note to boys:
dun even think that a simple apology is enough just becoz you thought you found someone new and felt that your life has "moved on"..
stop living in your little comfort zone..stop living in your little world of denial
coz guess what? finding someone new when u havent settled your prev dealings are just gg to spin off another vicious cycle.so dun ever mess with us,girls..
oh,and if u ever do it out of obligations,screw it..
u guys are not worth our time.
to all my innocent beloved readers,sorry for my foul mood.
just venting out my frustrations about new age sensitive guys these days.
the rain is pouring down so hard..
1:27 PM
Monday, November 16, 2009
phew..
finally,one wk had passed!!terribly exciting and exhilarating if u see my schedule.
jammed packed from morning till nite.
today is probably the first day im staying home..
so much so that my memories is failing me as i try to recall wat i did last wed.
anyway,i went nite cycling with bro on thursday..small accident but by God's grace,i didnt bleed..we cycled to flyer and back.
mum banned me from returning home late after that and dad tried to convince me tt im not a guy despite the fact that ive been cycling since three yrs ago.like hello, girls can do that too!RAWR
then friday,kiran and parv wanted to chill and club at zirca before they start studying for their exams these couple of weeks..LOL..crazy bitches.rushed down after cellgroup...we met with soo many unnecessary attention and a coincidental meet up with their long lost frens.haha(who tried to hook us up?!)thats wat i dont like about clubs on fri and sat nites..sooooo many nsf but shrugged them aside la..its a girls nite out man!
slumberparty at parv's place..kiran literally sat on me to wake me up the next morning.
saturday....camwhore with parv before heading home,changed..went to church.soo tired that nite that i KO upon reachin home.
sunday--alfred's bdae surprise at shaun's hse.LOL.chill and camwhore at liquid kitchen..then he decided to send everyone home which took two hours.LOL
gonna watch my girlfriend is a secret agent ltr!!!weeeeee
im going crazy over jap stuff..i mean,i alwaes loved jap food but esp the language now since sammie is taking jap as her elective in nyp.
tmr...rock climbing..here i come!!
PUPPY!!!we're meeting at nite tmr rite.?LOL.
watching ten things i hate about you..
the modern version of taming the shrew from shakespeare...i love her feminist character..sometimes i really wish i cld be her..
6:07 PM
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
when i got out of bed today..
there seems to be so many things i wanna type on the "whats on your mind" section..
i changed my mind..coz i kw that i'll be spamming the news feed if i do that.
one thing is for sure,i really admire the physical strength and emotional capability of single mums. they r probably the ones with huge capacity of emotional maturity.
they r the sort of people i choose to admire becoz they do not succumb to those fickle minded,indecisive bastards who impregnated them. i mean, it sure takes two hands to clap..and perhaps, it cld even be their fault for falling into the moment and not resisting it when they know that it is not safe to do it.
but what i truly admire is their decision to bring the life of the kid into this world..no matter wat circumstances they will face.To even bear the pain of childbirth for a guy who is not even worth it all the way till the kid grows up without a father or just a stepdad..
Having the child put into the arms of a nanny or even childcare centre since they were toddlers and probably only seeing them at nite.
to work long hours into the night just so as to get enough income to provide for the kid's future..i mean...these ladies are just really noble.
have u ever considered the emotional welfare of these ladies?
that everytime they see the kid, they are reminded of their scumbag dads...the irresponsible shitholes who just refused to take up the responsibility and decides to carry on with their frivolous ways of socializing and "oops! i did it again" accidents..
they have to live thru the times where the kid will ask,"where's daddy?"
or even the times where he/she sees how happy and excited the other children are with their families on family day and becomes all upset coz he/she does not have a complete one..
all the incessant rumours or small talks about u being a single mum( this is Singapore,it is as conservative as it can be)
i feel for them...
i really do..i mean,if i were in your shoes,touch wood...i dun even think that im emotionally capable enough to handle all that stress..
ive to admit that i met or even heard of enough jerks in my life rite now to get me thinking about all these..sometimes,like you,i wonder why i may have fallen for the wrong guys..
bewildered as can be, i knew i have to break free from this vicious cycle..
whether u believe or not,even if i do like someone,i know im not prepared for a relationship..emotionally.
ive seen how my sister failed her N's,ran away from home just to meet that guy.
how for the very first time,i was just 14..my mum's devastated look on her face reporting her missing at the police centre..
how even despite the fact that my sweet puppy love then wanted to be with me and i have to refuse him painfully becoz of watever that was happening at home..and for the next 2 years,i gave it all i got into studies,into GB and everything so as not to think of him.
then comes the time where i do let go of him and be with my tuition buddies..not to mention the joshy and kh's clique..we were having soo much fun,cycling arnd,computer games to meeting up for supper in the wee hours of the nite. theres no such things as Boys except when it comes to play and games in my world.
all the way till MI-pae with better frens like the MAHANAs..
then kh and i grew closer..and yea,i had my first r/s with him.8 years of friendship inclusive of 3years of buddy-hood..ended with just a 6mths one wk r/s..
tough times...i dun wish to talk about it anymore.
but i have learn the harsh reality..
the fact that sometimes,love is bittersweet..and when the bitterness overwhelms the sweetness...it is best to keep it on hold for awhile.
the fact that insecurities and emotions of boys can kill..
most imptly,i realised that when a smooth sweet r/s between a boy and a girl starts to falter with trivial quarrels over small things and eventually fell out,it is not because these problems cant be resolved..but rather both of them are too insecure and worried about their status quo in each other lives..
the fact that love is just too vulnerable to risk everything.
love has to be selfish sometimes..it is a basic flight vs fight nature in every human being..
watever it is..
stacey is mentally,emotionally exhausted..
what keeps me going everyday is perhaps the awesome buddies and friends i have around my neighbourhood,church,cheer,SIM,st.margs..
and not to mention,my computer games and random cycling trips from bishan to as far as nee soon camp.lol!
this is the ultimate life..at least i want for me rite now.
stacey scribbles...
KUDOS to all you single mums out there! and too all who laughs at them or talk behind their backs,SCREW YOU.
11:43 AM
Thursday, November 5, 2009
But you put on quite a show.
Really had me goin'
But now it's time to go,
Curtain's finally closin'.
That was quite a show.
Very entertainin'.
But it's over now.
Go on and take a bow.
i stood on solid rock and by the grace of God, i knew i could overcome ya.
u may not know it,but im serious when i said,"i am ready to be friends whenever you are."
theres alwaes a saying that goes:
in every relationships,be it friends or lovers,everyone has to commit to all three stages..
to LOVE, to REGRET, to Cherish.
one important thing which ive learned from this week...
i wanna love and cherish all you fellas out there who has entered into my life..
no matter how much role u played,
to my emotional needs or even just sending a simple gesture of appreciation,
i wanna let u all know that I STILL LOVE YOU!!:):)
just really glad claudia patched up our frenship with me ytd.:)
if i am going to love you, i wanna cherish you with no REGRETS.
stacey scribbles.
8:07 PM
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
phew!!!!finally im blogging again...
its been a really eventful weekend for me after accts paper on saturday..
yes,i kw its halloween but my RMIT seems to love saturday paper,not to mention the morning.-_-"
afred finished his paper 45mins before can? followed by charles who was aiming for a just pass..wat crap! dawn and the rest of us stayed till the end...
anyway back to more serious tone...
ive learnt the virtues of forgiveness on saturday through sunday. though i must sae its one of the hardest thing which one could ever accomplished...but sometimes,it is by God's will or u can say...fate that has been destined for u to meet someone, whether u like it or not.
recall the song, 7things?by miley cyrus.."if u text it, i'll delete it..lets be clear."
i really agree with that song but sometimes, sincerity is wat u expect above all..
just wanna wish him his all the best and though it maybe awkward, i am fine in rekindling this friendship once again..
maybe this whole focus on solely-exams has set me thinking alot lately, esp when time cld only tell certain things.
went to clarke quay after svc on sat nite though.. had loads of fun staring and laughing at ppl..there was a tigger bouncing ard and loads of zombies.i got freaked out by a gal dressed as emily rose..LOL..
anyway, though i was super exhausted the next morning,i went for CHEER!haha..call me crazy. probably gonna help out with the dance segment with citra when i get back the following week..
i totally slackened this weekend.had to get back to my stats on monday..and chiong.
i missed my girls..i really am deprived of a girl companionship now. not trying to sound les but though im quite blessed with brothers, i am still a girl..i need girl talk.i need advice.
being with guys has officially made me a FULL-Fledged BITCH and i dun like it...starting to feel it now..esp after today...i met kh,unexpectedly at thomson plaza.
anyway, i bought another diary for my thoughts and dreams.may stop blogging soon if i write.LOL
can u believe how life has become for me?
everything just comes over a few days..thrown at me like a storm.and im forced to overcome them..
but God, with ur grace and ur strength..U have seen me through..
thank you,Jesus.:)
stats on friday and biz com next mon..
Love waits,
Love perseveres.
to me, Love is having faith as well.
stacey scribbles.
8:30 PM
