Goodbye,Cinderella......thats just the old me who came and gone away

Monday, May 23, 2011

hi all.

Last week was truly incredible..
Lets start off with sunday night,15th may,shall we?(:
i went to chill with ash and techun at haji lan,one of our regular sisha bars.
it was a fruitful evening and our heart-to-heart talks actually ended at 2am. i literally meant heart-to-heart talk including sensitive adult stuff btw guys and girls alike.
It somehow makes me realize that maturity and deeper understanding for one another only comes about when we could talk abt all these things without any sorta emotions or uneasy abt it so yeah,thanks guys(:
Chun and Ash,u are the only few guys who can do that maturely unlike some of my church friends(shall not mention names) who can be pretty shallow and narrow minded.ok,enough abt them...

Do u believe in doppelganger people?
Doppelgangers are people who resemble another person in their physical appearance and it is often believed that there is 6 other people in this world which looks just like u. if u accidentally meet ur doppelganger,the one with the stronger yin and yang will survive while the other will die.

I saw tommy's doppelganger while chilling at haji lane. He came with two other ladies and was sitting diagonally infront of me. ash and chun thought tt the alcohol is getting into my head and wanted to knock some sense into me but i can swear tt it was really his identical twin. it was creepy.
Then two days later on 17th may,eugene,me,del and bernard finally executed our 1yr old plan to visit casuarina for chilli crab,i saw him..the real T. OMG
the funny thing was..this whole gg to casuarina for dinner thing was impromptu,on the 11th hour after eugene n i had our beancurd. after the dinner,bernard and del admits tt they joined us only becoz they had 'unfinished business' with crabs coz it didnt satisfy their craving until tt evening. And when i told them abt seeing T here,it seems like it was time to finish my 'unfinished business'
i didnt do anything drastic though. it is pointless. he n his army mate walked pass me 3 times but i can truly say tt he saw me but didnt wanna admit it when i asked him where he was.
after receiving his reply..i kidda knew in my heart that it is time to let go...or any effort im gonna do to help him is probably gna be in vain. i truly dont believe tt someone can be so dense..
One thing is for sure,tommy lim. i kw you. u are capable of hiding everything and till now,nothing has changed.u can try harder to get my attention coz at least now,i kw.. u dont seem to deserve it. No apologies.

these are the two major events..i suppose. i cant really rmb wat i had on wed to fri other than work at cyberia and school. got jynette a job here at cyberia and shes good.:)oh,and yeah..we hung up with cy and watched 'paul' it was really funny though they should cut down on the christianity jokes:/

work and study.work.work.work and hang out..ok i need to study more! omg. gta start on my assignments!!!!!!!

12:22 PM

Friday, May 13, 2011

hey..
been hearing alot of feedbacks abt the post i made.
my dear friends,pls do not take it personal.
the point which i am trying to make is that..i really thank you and appreciate you guys for always being there for me,standing by me. i kw i shouldnt blame u if u guys nv went thru my predicaments..and I DONT.
my prev post was really alot more abt assuring myself that ive to do some things alone.
solitude is an option i chose.PLEASE DO NOT GET OFFENDED.

but u guys chose to love.

kiran,parv,yen,irving,claudia,jiahao,jynette,ash,noel..my Godbro,reagan and caspar,i thank you and really appreciate you<3
u guys are probably the reason why despite my 4 yrs of staying in faith with the church,i can never be close to them. I am alright with that. Christians are not flawless. In fact, most i kw are pretty flawed like me but u guys chose to love and stay by my imperfections.=)

no words can describe the kind of love u people have showered upon me.

i sensed it. and i appreciate it.:)
from a simple sms of encouragement to a joyride on a motorbike(yes,ah hao. coincidentally,i had a tough awkward evening until u met me)

These are the little things i will remember for life. Just wanna say that all these will not go in vain and no matter how down and out i feel or just merely alone walking in life,i would not give up.
the song i posted on my archive is for you guys.
Thanks for the Love

12:52 AM

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Well..recently,i just realized abt this function called "active notes" in my nokia E72 after two years of acquiring this phone.(-__-)
And apparently,in this active notes,i could actually write notes. OMG..BIMBO. Hence, i just like to share with ya the things that ive been saving in my notes column before i become accused by my avid readers and friends like u guys who bothers abt my life.:)
thanks.
it is from the earliest to the latest post which is today.. so yeah,i would find the last few dates more relevant than it is. u will also notice that 29/04 is quite de ja vu to the may posts as u scroll down. God do works in miraculous ways that one can nv expect.

here it goes:

29/04/2011
U cant change life but u cant change the way you live life.
U cant change the events that has/will happen in your life but u can definitely change the outcome.
So make a choice, my dear one.
Live life frivolously and push the responsibilities of your many foul plays to the guy who shattered your heart into pieces years ago.
Or
Get back on the long winding road,
Tedious yet with a clear clean conscience.
----------------------------------------------------
05/05/2011
i met up with jynette and chuiyin(my long lost sec school classmates!) for l4d2.
been constantly wondering what caused us to still remain friends and keep in touch after 2-3yrs of being in different schools with a whole load of new enviroment. even back in the old days,we were all v different. Jynette sleeps in class, Cy will be hiding in one corner with all her mangas while i'll be with the noisy ones..trying to study and talk at the same time. But i felt quite blessed today..we bonded over dinner and the game even though it took us 4 tries to finish the last level.
--we actually worked together.<3

it amazes me becoz after i lost my only best friend 3 yrs ago, the truth is.. i never expected anything more than living in solitude.I am my own hero,my own knight in shining armour whether or not dating someone or in a r/s.
I get myself into the mess n I'll get myself out.
Friends do help along the way. But since my past r/s,i ran my own race. Literally as well.
Church was a refuge though fellowship within was far from it. Everyone is just so divided in their own lives,alot of things to work out. and honestly,i havent found someone who could be there for me.
Friends step in to lend a listening ear,but i began to realize thats all they could do. None had solutions and talking and brooding came to bottomless ends.
Even to my closest and longest pals, they knew and told me themselves that i was the strongest relationally to go thru what ive been through last year.

Till now,nothing changed.

sometimes,i even dreamt of talking to u..us just sitting down recalling everything that has happened in our lives like wat we used to do

but when u become your own hero, u fight your own war.
Heroes do not trust anyone but themselves.
This is the harsh reality.
----------------------------------------------------------------
09/05/2011
Talking to you is like courting my psychological death..
Digging right deep into my emotional grave,Burying myself alive.
N yet..not talking to you and ignoring you is like rejection from a dream course. Painful.
which many would kw,u deserve it...
U make me stuck.
Time for me to weigh the pros and cons...N rmb what brought me here..make me who i am today.
It wasnt you.
-------------------------------------------------------------
11/05/2011(today)
Each relationship have its own share of smiles and scars. Now,the underlying question is.. are you gonna let those scars be so visible in your life or remember the smiles that were left behind?
A friend once mentioned that pain is when weakness leaves the body...
U can choose to grow stronger in this process..or allow that weakness to sip off whatever's left within you.

Your Choice.

something to ponder about.
stacey scribbles...

12:28 AM