Goodbye,Cinderella......thats just the old me who came and gone away

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hi all..
i guessed i owe u,my readers alot of explanation for this.. hees.
well,honestly..u can say that love and life really caught up with me the past few mths as much as i try to run away.
Apart from family,school,church,giving tuition,my new job at nex build-a-bear workshop...

Life went on like an instant film, i could hardly catch my breath

if u have followed me dilligently like him, u would have realised that my post on 12th may was talking abt Being In Solitude
i do not deny.:)

looking at my schedule and how packed it is, i was ready and prepared for singlehood. happy and contented with solitude. All i need was to learn to save,go for my scuba diving licence,chill out with friends and love my family.
Ever since i turned 17, i thought i got the best gift when my best friend confessed to me. we were friends for close to 8 years.we got together and seriously,there is no doubt tt this r/s was gonna last..until things happened.
He left.....with another girl. i lost my best friend and boyfriend

I came back to God at CHC that following year. Took one year to recover..not mentioning the scars that were left behind.
Apart from this, I was also exposed to clubbing when i turned 18. Went on a clubbing frenzy. club after work/after school/after church.
Free passes and invites from zouk to wavehouse.
Fell in love with Cheer and gained loads of different work experiences from sentosa to sales line. Cheer at denvers was fun and all the friends ive made..makes me feel belonged somehow...yet, my scars remained unhealed.
these scars subconsciously affected my personal life...when i started to PLAY THE DATING GAME
this game was challenging or should i say, the one with the least commitment wins?
that was how it worked. so as expected, things never worked out. Commitment was not part of the game and the person who fails to respect that will be left behind.
I lost.

so for abt 4 mths, i took a break. for a breather. in the night..more clubbing and drinking with friends.
then 'T' came. it is amazing how i could get charmed by him. now that i think of it..it is pretty disappointing how i could be that into him. we even got together. anyway, he cheated and lied to me...about almost everything.i cried,i broke my gate,i suffered,i left..
My Life Was A Living Lie
my long straight hair was snapped,my clothes were changed. i was determined to let my emotions rule my body and mind.
despite telling myself tt i need to get over him.
so by the influence of some friends, they encouraged me to embrace singlehood.. literally. live the life that couples will never have. text and flirt around with as many guys as u want. Flings whether in the club or outside.. the key is..
DO NOT GET EMOTIONS INVOLVED WITH ANY FORM OF PHYSICALITY
i succeeded for awhile. but the same group of friends came and complicated the situation.Mixing me trying to date to playing around to another girl kissing this guy. it was confusing. tiring. and tedious even if u have already know that ur heart has been detached from ur life.

my goal for 21st is to release myself from all these complication

i didnt have a goodstart this year but i wanna change the outcome...thats why i got myself out from clubbing,drinking,and my crazy lifestyle. focused on school, and got a job where my first love was. THE LOVE FOR KIDS:)

no more crazies, just the new Stacey Tiana Koh trying to live up to her baptism name.
i wanna embrace singlehood in a different way. just as i described above. love God,family, friends,money.
i wanted to Live in Solitude
till someone special came..this guy whom i knew from children church ministry 1.5years ago came.
this guy who was bold enough...to ask me my reason behind solitude on 13th may. 4days after i thought abt 'T'
he was my eyecandy for awhile in church while i served.. i didnt expect anything to bloom from it.

However, i can never describe the feeling of bumping into him around church once every few mths when we would just stand there and talk like we were old friends...despite not having each other's contact details on fb,msn, not to mention hp.

when i started to ponder about this, God started working His Miracles on him,on me.<3
for two mths,we dated and got to kw each other better.
My love life was changing. though major events happened,(sending my sis to the hospital and sending his maid to the hospital a few weeks later) everything for the v first time,seems so natural and real. everything i prayed for and fantasize for.. Walks on the beach,cooking together,candies,we seem to complement each other's lives. till now,i do nt understand this connection we had...and i really hope that it is from Him.

For the very first time after a long time,Calvin..u make me feel that i was in a real relationship.

Calvin, i never told u this before..but u feel like my first love.

thank you, my love.For standing by me.

i Stacey Koh, Pray that u,Calvin Ng is the guy that Ive been searching and praying for all my life. And i want this to work out as much as u have Faith in US

Love montage,baby.

heres a sneak peak.

1:23 AM