In this superficial world,
U may think thats all you get from what you see.
I am definitely not as SIMPLE as what you think,
Neither do I wish to live up to your expectations
So whatever you read,
And whether U like it or not,
It's none of my business to care..no matter how hard u try to make me.;P
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
when i got out of bed today..
there seems to be so many things i wanna type on the "whats on your mind" section..
i changed my mind..coz i kw that i'll be spamming the news feed if i do that.
one thing is for sure,i really admire the physical strength and emotional capability of single mums. they r probably the ones with huge capacity of emotional maturity.
they r the sort of people i choose to admire becoz they do not succumb to those fickle minded,indecisive bastards who impregnated them. i mean, it sure takes two hands to clap..and perhaps, it cld even be their fault for falling into the moment and not resisting it when they know that it is not safe to do it.
but what i truly admire is their decision to bring the life of the kid into this world..no matter wat circumstances they will face.To even bear the pain of childbirth for a guy who is not even worth it all the way till the kid grows up without a father or just a stepdad..
Having the child put into the arms of a nanny or even childcare centre since they were toddlers and probably only seeing them at nite.
to work long hours into the night just so as to get enough income to provide for the kid's future..i mean...these ladies are just really noble.
have u ever considered the emotional welfare of these ladies?
that everytime they see the kid, they are reminded of their scumbag dads...the irresponsible shitholes who just refused to take up the responsibility and decides to carry on with their frivolous ways of socializing and "oops! i did it again" accidents..
they have to live thru the times where the kid will ask,"where's daddy?"
or even the times where he/she sees how happy and excited the other children are with their families on family day and becomes all upset coz he/she does not have a complete one..
all the incessant rumours or small talks about u being a single mum( this is Singapore,it is as conservative as it can be)
i feel for them...
i really do..i mean,if i were in your shoes,touch wood...i dun even think that im emotionally capable enough to handle all that stress..
ive to admit that i met or even heard of enough jerks in my life rite now to get me thinking about all these..sometimes,like you,i wonder why i may have fallen for the wrong guys..
bewildered as can be, i knew i have to break free from this vicious cycle..
whether u believe or not,even if i do like someone,i know im not prepared for a relationship..emotionally.
ive seen how my sister failed her N's,ran away from home just to meet that guy.
how for the very first time,i was just 14..my mum's devastated look on her face reporting her missing at the police centre..
how even despite the fact that my sweet puppy love then wanted to be with me and i have to refuse him painfully becoz of watever that was happening at home..and for the next 2 years,i gave it all i got into studies,into GB and everything so as not to think of him.
then comes the time where i do let go of him and be with my tuition buddies..not to mention the joshy and kh's clique..we were having soo much fun,cycling arnd,computer games to meeting up for supper in the wee hours of the nite. theres no such things as Boys except when it comes to play and games in my world.
all the way till MI-pae with better frens like the MAHANAs..
then kh and i grew closer..and yea,i had my first r/s with him.8 years of friendship inclusive of 3years of buddy-hood..ended with just a 6mths one wk r/s..
tough times...i dun wish to talk about it anymore.
but i have learn the harsh reality..
the fact that sometimes,love is bittersweet..and when the bitterness overwhelms the sweetness...it is best to keep it on hold for awhile.
the fact that insecurities and emotions of boys can kill..
most imptly,i realised that when a smooth sweet r/s between a boy and a girl starts to falter with trivial quarrels over small things and eventually fell out,it is not because these problems cant be resolved..but rather both of them are too insecure and worried about their status quo in each other lives..
the fact that love is just too vulnerable to risk everything.
love has to be selfish sometimes..it is a basic flight vs fight nature in every human being..
watever it is..
stacey is mentally,emotionally exhausted..
what keeps me going everyday is perhaps the awesome buddies and friends i have around my neighbourhood,church,cheer,SIM,st.margs..
and not to mention,my computer games and random cycling trips from bishan to as far as nee soon camp.lol!
this is the ultimate life..at least i want for me rite now.
stacey scribbles...
KUDOS to all you single mums out there! and too all who laughs at them or talk behind their backs,SCREW YOU.
11:43 AM
